By Elsie Ndonga
It is your first week in college, having settled in, you take a stroll around the school. To scope out the goods, so to speak. Then standing at the corner of the mess hall, you spot him. Dressed in a simple white t-shirt, flaky jeans and black converse shoes. He has stunning brown eyes and neatly shaven hair. You shouldn’t be staring but you can’t help your obviously hypnotized eyes. He looks towards you and smiles, you smile back. He starts walking towards you. You stand your ground and wait for him to…………..
No! Abort Mission! Free yourself from he’s deceptive gaze; that goku demon possessed gaze. Run for the hills! Jump into a ditch! He’ll probably DEFINATELY think you are insane but am saving you a butt load of problems.
Dating an individual in the same campus is a recipe for disaster!
Now, now, before you drag me to the town square and lynch me, I know there are successful ‘same school dating couples’ (I literally cannot find a shorter name for that) and I have nothing against them. However, even they would agree it isn’t a walk in the park and here is why.
- GO AWAY SO I CAN MISS YOU
Here is the thing. If you are in the same school, worse still, the same very tiny school, there is a very high chance you will see each other way more than you would like. The beauty of a growing romantic relationship is allowing each other distance enough to long for each other’s company. Let your girlfriend text you, ‘I miss you’ and like the clueless innocent victim you are, you will go ahead and reply ‘miss you too’. She will then go ahead to bite your head off for leaving out the ‘I’ in ‘I miss you’ which will quickly and unexplainably turn into an argument about how you forgot her birthday.
Such beautiful exciting talks wouldn’t be possible with no distance due to your close proximity. You cannot miss what you see very other day.
- THE WAGES OF CHEATING ARE DEATH
People break up all the time. Some break-ups are considered amicable. A few arguments here and there, a few knives thrown here and there. Nothing too serious. Then there are others that end in fire and brimstone especially in cases to do with cheating. When people breakup, they naturally grow apart. ‘When two oxen fight, the grass suffers.’ Ergo, nature has to find a way of protecting itself from ex-apocalypse.
Schooling in the same area disrupts nature’s protective mechanism of growing apart. You will eventually, amidst your efforts to avoid it, bump into each other. In the case of cheating, the scorned party will be tempted throw pieces of very sharp metal towards their ex. The pieces of metal will then implant themselves on the ex’s neck jabbing the coronary artery and causing death in less than two minutes. The guilty party will then end up in jail wearing stripped overalls which don’t go well with her multi-color dyed hair. We definitely do not want that big crisis. Overalls that don’t match with hair color can be catastrophic.
- SHARED EXPERIENCES
Your campus life provides you with the ideal environment to grow and learn from your experiences. It enables you to rid yourself of that little bubble you have lived in throughout your entire life. This growth is influenced heavily by the people you surround yourself with; your significant other, mipango za kando and friends. Dating in the same school limits your knowledge or information pool. None of you brings anything new to the table. You have the same experiences since you live in the same environment. The same stories about the same school, same people and the same terrible food offered in a specific place.
Let your significant other school on the other side of town. In the event that it is raining on her side of town and the sun is majestically shining on your side, you will meet the next day and discuss the witchcraft behind the weather differences. Witchcraft as a topic is very important for the healthy growth of any relationship. I have reason to believe people who school in the same campus do not have this witchcraft propagated talks.
But who am I to decide who our hearts should fall for? Your heart should be allowed to roam free and like who it likes, even if he/she is in the same school as you. If you feel torn about where to date, use this scientifically proven method called The ELSIO-PORTER METHOD. If you are a lady, climb to the top of the highest building in your school and toss a medium-sized stone. If it misses a guy’s head and he looks up, that is the man for you. If it hits the man’s head leading to he’s untimely death, the world has spoken, stay away from men in your school! If it misses a lady and she looks up, then I think the world is trying to tell you something that not even the ELSIO-PORTER METHOD can help you with. Now go forth and love!!